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Thursday, 15 October 2009

i have to thank you for teaching me how to accept 'space' and 'time'.
i'm thinking of you now,
as i'm left to tap my fingers impatiently on my table,
and stare at my phone every half hour.

i used to do this so long ago
and it used to feel so much worse...
it made me realise that this really shouldn't feel like anything at all.
and now,
it doesn't.
so thank you.

Sunday, 27 September 2009

ok. my white flag is up.

this is starting to require way too much effort and my pride is not letting me sink any lower.
i should have brought my twilight books with me, re-developing my obsession with edward would give me something to think about! besides school work and death.

it's following me to my sleep.
i dreamt about being chased down by someone who's trying to kill me.
and the night before i dreamt that there was some mass murderer in hartamas and we finally found all the 'missing persons' from school. kids were buried in the school grounds, in desa hartamas. dalam longkang and everything, dead bodies school kids, of women, were being dug up. and everyone was crying and had to hold on to each other for support and comfort...and there was just so much pain.

o.O
ANYWAY my darling housemates have organised a mini-party for me tonight!
pics later.
<3

Saturday, 26 September 2009

i vow
to curse less
to shout less
to be as patient as i possibly can
i vow not to lose my temper (unless it's something really bad)
i vow not to blog and tell the whole world about every single fight
i vow to not assume, and listen before i make judgement.
i vow
to appreciate the little things
to look at the positive
to work on the negative
to understand and put myself in 'your' shoes
to not focus on what's important for me, but think of what 'you' need too.
i've been taking notes from observing couples, and assessing my previous relationships,
i really was psycho, seriously.
which is why sometimes when people tell me they read my blog (the 'devinesarah' one) i'd feel damn embarrassed because of all the crazy shit i used to say there.
i still get a bit 'whoa scary angry person' here, but it's not as bad, really.
but yeah, screw pointing fingers at the guy and blaming them for everything that happened,
it takes two people to make a relationship work, so if it doesn't then both parties are at fault.
the problem with this though is that it would take one HECK of a guy to bring this out in me.
and the thing about me is that i'm emotionally cheap.
you've seen it before, how so freaking easy it is to get a guy stuck in my head
[like this current one for instance]
all it needed was 3 good friends to suggest it, and suddenly i can't stop thinking about it...
AND HE'S ALL THE WAY IN KL!
that's how easy i am.
but i get out of it just as easily as well. (try counting the amount of guys i've crushed on since i started this blog, tak cukup jari nak kira kot, and it hasn't even been that long).
getting me interested is easy.
but making me stay interested is pretty tough (i think).
another thing i'm vowing is to never declare 'love' unless i'm really sure.
love and relationships can wait.

but fuck, it's been too long since i've been on a date.
it's not even funny sial.

Friday, 25 September 2009

the raya post!

[pictures in this blogpost were stolen from nana, sha, aaput, ira & shura and sofia]
soooo raya away from home was surprisingly (or not?) pretty awesome!

1. made more cornflake cookies.
2. spent the whole night at aaput, dee & aimi's helping dee bake her cake and aaput and aimi make roti jala
3. spent most of raya day at lut & zul's:

awesome food! lemang, rendang, lontong, soto ayam, ayam percik, satay, macam macam lahh!
desserts were awesome too, jellies, cheesecake, uciel's awesome kuih bakar anddd i contributed with my cookies

which were gone by the end of the day so i'm very proud! hehehehe.

lut pimpin it

pretty pretty girls!

lucky zil and his ladies!
4. hanif & sofia's house

5. Lut & Zul's part 2 - MIKA
so mar, nana, dee and i went back to lut and zul's to hangout and tengok bola,
sampai sampai je, aaput was sitting by the window calling for her cat, mika,
the naughty cat went out the toilet window and ended up on the rooftop of some building nearby,
so a few of us came out to look for him, and it turns out the poor kitty was stuck on the rooftop of the building next door and couldn't come down or climb back up where he (it's a he right?) came from because it was too high.
so after the boys almost broke their backs by trying to climb up the wall,
and us going around looking for a ladder, and calling building managers yadayadayada,
aimi managed to get the fire department to come get mika down free of charge!
so exciting!!
so about 15 - 20 of us were outside some building, in some alley in our baju kurung/melayu and the fire truck came with the bomba people and their super tall ladder (ZOMG WHY LA TAKDA CAMERA?!) and brought the silly cat down.
and so i thought that was gonna be the drama of the night la kan...
part 3- SPARKLERS! wheeeee!

because aaput looks so cute here! hehe
and i'm too lazy to steal more pictures...
but part 4 would be the Man U vs. Man City derby match
that was....
WHOAH.
owen's goal was zomg satisfaction.
we were all roaring and jumping with delight.
macam menang finals je.
i'm tired and hungry.
and i've got one more assignment that i need to finish before i can shop and party (wooooooot!) in melb for my 21st. tee hee.
***
you need to harvest the corn before it gets overripe, sweetie.
tick tock.
damn you farmville.
mir.

it doesn't feel real yet and i'm still expecting to see you when i come back in november.
it feels real sometimes when people ask me about it,
or when i'm staring at your facebook, and i can feel my face filling up with horror
as if i just got the news.
even worse when i see your friends and it reminds me of school.
sometimes i wake up and think i dreamt about you, and then i'm not really sure.
and if i haven't, i really do wonder why....
it would be nice if you came by to say hi.
there's still a lot that i wish i had said.